Beyond the Tail
The wordy world of wicked, wise and wonderful creatures
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Image | Featured
Featured
MEIN CAT
I had never met a cat quite as troubled as he,
Slanted Adolf whiskers betrayed a fascist tendency
In his philosophy, he never pretended to be,
Anything other than a catastrophe
From the moment that kitten arrived outside the door,
We knew life would never be as it had been before
Each resounding purr followed by the swipe of a claw,
Furry Der Fuhrer had arrived as the law
The occupation was swift, and resistance futile,
We had to admire his efficiency and style
We were blind to the plan, and all the meanwhile,
He was taking over his new domicile
The dogs’ bed was soon his centre of power,
He held his position with a hiss and a glower
Observing us mere mortals from his ivory tower,
Little Kitty’s milk was now beyond sour
Never such a cattitude of “I’ll do what I please”,
Then when he ambushed a pair of passing knees
He even recruited an army of fleas,
This was an autocat, you could not appease
His demands grew daily, More Milk! More Fish!
And as he grew fatter, he grew more feindish
We, mere providers of each need and wish,
Filling the despot, so he could flourish
I never believed one day he’d disappear,
Was the fish not fresh? Were his purrs not sincere?
The regime is now over. We live without fear
But Das feline’s ambitions have notched up a gear
An everlasting expansive occupation,
Working his way from location to location
He can resist everything except for temptation,
As he secures his plans for world domination
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April 1, 2014
The Flamin Flamingo – Part One
Out in the outback
Wild is wild
And folk must hunt for a living
The Sheilas are one pack
That ain’t domiciled
And believe in taking not giving
They wander the land
With an eye on the prize
Of dingo, koala or roo
This monstrous band
Of all shapes and size
May one day be coming for you
They raid and they trade
Almost anything
But one item, they really desire
Is a flamingo who’s made
From his beak to his wing
Of feathers that burn like a fire
One day on the hunt
They threw down their sacks
Full of koala and dingo
They looked out to the front
Pulled up their slacks
And crowed in unison, “Bingo”
“A flamin’ flamingo!”
The Sheilas said
Spottin his feathers a shimmer
“Forget the dingos,
We’ll take ‘im instead,
Imagine the worth o’ that glimmer!”
“Stealer Sheilas!”
The flamingos cried
“They’re after his fiery feather
Those wheeler dealers
We can not abide
Go for it! Run hell for leather!”
March 27, 2014
Mr Giraffe
Well Hello there, Mr Giraffe!
Look at you with your head in the trees,
What wonderful colourful patches
And funny knobbly knees
It’s a wonder you don’t fall over,
Reaching up there for your meals
But maintain elegance and composure,
Like a lady in stiletto heels
I much prefer you to a zebra,
Black and white is so last year
And stripes are simply nothing,
Against your smart patchwork fur
And you have such a gentle face,
Compared to the mean buffalo
You don’t feel rushed like a cheetah,
But take things nice and slow
I’m not worried that you’ll eat me,
Won’t rip me with tooth and claw
Your gentle voice won’t scare me,
Not like a horrible roar
No, I feel you would be courteous
If you spoke, you would say, ‘Good Day’
A gentleman of the Savannah
Going on his merry way
My long eye-lashed, long legged friend
You’re my favourite I suppose
For your special giraffe gentility
From your head to your little hoof toes
March 26, 2014
The Pink Heart Flamingo
There’s a place of romance
Where the birds always sing low
And that’s where you’ll find
The pink heart flamingo
Neck around neck
Cheek to feathered cheek
These birds are always dancing
Their dances, beak to beak
Declarations of love
‘Mademoiselle, Je t’adore’
As this light footed dancer
Spins his lady round the floor
Here under the moonlight
Romance will never end
As the pink heart flamingo
Twirls his lady friend
Beyond the Tail 